Looking for a unique yet practical gift for your wife? Consider the Pocket Taser stun gun! This handy safety device fits easily into any purse or pocket, ready to fend off potential threats. Here’s a humorous tale of a man who bought a Pocket Taser as an anniversary gift for his wife and decided to test its power himself. Be warned, this light-hearted story highlights the impressive capabilities of a Pocket Taser. Enjoy the funny story and think about whether this could be an unexpected, yet appreciated gift for your partner.

A Man’s Anniversary Gift Adventure with a Pocket Taser…

Last weekend, I stumbled upon something intriguing at Larry’s Pistol & Pawn Shop. It was our 15th anniversary, and I wanted to find something special for my wife, Julie. I discovered a 100,000-volt, pocket-sized Taser.

The Taser’s effects were supposed to be short-lived, with no long-term harm to an assailant, giving her enough time to escape safely…??

TOO COOL TO RESIST!

Long story short, I bought it and brought it home. I inserted two AAA batteries and pressed the button. Nothing happened! I soon learned that pressing the button against a metal surface would create a blue arc of electricity between the prongs. AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I still need to explain the burn mark on the microwave to Julie…

Alone at home with this new gadget, I thought it couldn’t be too powerful with just two AAA batteries, right?

There I was, sitting in my recliner, my cat Gracie watching intently (trusting little soul), as I read the instructions and pondered testing it on a living target.

I briefly considered zapping Gracie but quickly dismissed the idea. She’s such a sweet cat. However, if I was going to give this to my wife for protection, I needed to ensure it worked as promised.

Am I wrong? So, there I sat in shorts and a tank top, reading glasses perched on my nose, instructions in one hand, Taser in the other.

The instructions stated:

• A one-second burst would shock and disorient an assailant.
• A two-second burst would cause muscle spasms and loss of control.
• A three-second burst would make an assailant flop like a fish out of water.
• Anything longer than three seconds would waste the batteries.

I looked at this small device, about 5 inches long and less than 3/4 inch in circumference (powered by two tiny AAA batteries), and thought, ‘No way!’

What happened next is almost indescribable, but I’ll try. Sitting there alone, Gracie watching with her head tilted as if to say, ‘Don’t do it, stupid,’ I reasoned that a one-second burst couldn’t hurt too much. I decided to give myself a one-second zap just for fun. I touched the prongs to my bare thigh, pressed the button, and…

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE… !!!

I’m pretty sure Hulk Hogan burst through the door, picked me up in the recliner, and body-slammed us both repeatedly onto the carpet.

I vaguely remember waking up in the fetal position, tears in my eyes, body drenched, nipples on fire, testicles missing, left arm awkwardly tucked under me, and tingling legs!

The cat was making strange meowing sounds, clinging to a picture frame above the fireplace, clearly trying to avoid my flailing body.

Note: If you ever feel the urge to ‘mug’ yourself with a Pocket Taser, heed this warning:

• There is NO such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself!
• You won’t release it until it’s dislodged by your violent thrashing!
• A three-second burst is conservative!

A minute later (time was relative then), I gathered my wits (what little remained), sat up, and surveyed the scene.

• My bent reading glasses were on the mantel.
• The recliner was upside down, about 8 feet from its original spot.
• My triceps, right thigh, and nipples were twitching.
• My face felt numb, and my bottom lip felt like it weighed 88 lbs.
• I couldn’t control the drooling.
• Apparently, I had soiled my shorts, but I was too numb to be sure, and my sense of smell was gone.
• I noticed a faint smoke cloud above my head, likely from my hair.

I’m still searching for my testicles and offering a reward for their safe return!

PS: My wife can’t stop laughing about my ordeal, loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!